Friday, September 30, 2005
Company's Coming
Bamps' nephew and his wife decided to come for a visit. It had been a long time since we'd seen Jimmy and Lorraine. They lived in Pennsylvania and had come down to visit before my grandmother had died. I don't think they were quite prepared to see my grandfather in the state he was in. Jimmy was the tall, blond Nordic type and you wouldn't think it would be possible to get any paler than that, but the moment he saw my grandfather, all the color drained from his face. It was the same with Lorraine.
By now Bamps' weight was down to around 115 pounds. His face was gaunt, and he had developed a Parkinsonian tremor. He could have had tests to determine if it was Parkinson's or a side effect of one of his 31 medicines, but he decided that would mean someone would have to stick him with a needle and he just didn't like that idea. His lung function had deteriorated and he was on oxygen 24/7. The Kaposi's Sarcoma had spread over his arms, legs, trunk, face and neck, and he had purpura and petechia. His hair had turned completely white, but being curious, he had decided to let it grow out to see what he would look like in a ponytail. However at this point it was only long to enough to make him look a bit like Albert Einstein.
If you think all that would slow him down, you're wrong. With his portable oxygen tank, he'd go outside and sit on the patio and putter a little in his garden. Despite having very sandy soil, he grew great tomatoes and swiss chard. He'd keep his crosswords, sports pages and books (mysteries and suspense) on the kitchen table so he'd have to get up to walk some. He refused a bedside commode in favor of a long O2 tube so he could walk to the bathroom and have some privacy when "needed". We did get a shower seat and a handheld Shower Massage so he could take showers unassisted. His independence was very important to him.
While Jimmy and Lorraine were here, we took an outing to a longtime friend's home. Bill and Renie had know my grandfather since at least 1960 maybe longer than that. It was great to see him get out of the house and to a place other than a doctor's office. We had a great visit, I think it must have been about three hours, and then we went home.
Jimmy and my grandparents had been very close when Jimmy was growing up, and I think my grandfather thought of him more like a son. Bamps talked to his sister in Pennsylvania every week, but neither one of them could travel to see each other. Jimmy and Lorraine stayed the weekend, and they talked, reminisced, watch ballgames and commiserated that the Yankees did so poorly that year.
However, before Jimmy and Lorraine left, my grandfather announced to hell with what the doctors are saying, he's stick around for the World Series (which was coming up on October 15. (At his last doctor's appoint a few day before J & L arrived, he was given only two to three weeks to live.) Bamps was supporting the Oakland A's since the Yankees obviously weren't going to make it.
What bugged me is that while my grandfather let his nephew and his wife visit, I wanted my mother and sister and brothers to come visit and he always said no. (This is where I'm going to get a little sidetracked for a bit.) They were in Idaho, and my grandfather could have sent them tickets, but he didn't want to. It wasn't because he didn't love them. It was because he loved them too much to let them see him like he was. It was the same reason my grandmother, when she was dying, absolutely did not want my mother to come out. Both of them said the same thing: that they wanted my mother and the rest of the grandkids to remember them as being young and vital, not wasted away by illness.
I can remember having some very heated arguments with them about this! I told them my mother wouldn't care how they looked, she would just love to see them, to hold them and comfort them. She would just want to be there. You see, they had always treated my mother with kid gloves. To some extent, they had reason to.
For whatever reason (my mother was adopted so the real story is forever unknown) when my mother was under a great deal of stress - let's just say she sometimes wasn't herself. One time, when my grandmother was pretty close to dying, she had me sit down with her and watch a late movie. It was the last thing I wanted to do when I could be watching yet another rerun of Star Trek in my room or doing something equally senseless. But she bribed with me with a late night pizza from Roma Pizza, and we watched the movie. The movie we were watching was All About Eve, a woman with a "split personality". After the movie was over, she said to me "You know, your mother is a lot like Eve sometimes. That's why we always protected her." I must have looked at her like she was nuts - my mother was nothing like Eve White or Eve Black. Since I grew up with my grandparents, what Nany said made absolutely no sense at all, until I remembered something that happened before I went to live with my grandparents. I had asked to go play with a friend of mine and my mother "Yeah, what do I care?" It really wasn't like her, but I was seven and just figured she was mad about something. So when I came home, I got punished for going off without asking permission. No matter how much I protested, my mother and stepfather wouldn't believe that my mother had said yes. It wasn't long after that I went to live with my grandparents.
Years later my mother was officially diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder, now called Disassociative Identity Disorder. Looking back now I realize that they were probably trying to protect her from having one of her personalities emerge. Mom's personalities had been silent for a long time, although they apparently did come out occasionally. My mother wasn't even aware of them, although other people, like my grandparents, and one of my mother's friends were. It's still beyond me how that could be. My sibs and I used to joke about which mom was going to in charge today, because she would always be changing her mind and would forget things, and was a member of the "mood-a-minute" club as we used to put it. It wasn't until "Gloria" finally introduced herself to my sister and sister-in-law about ten years ago that we realized the joke was on us. It was NOT a pleasant introduction. But all that's another story.
As well as staying around for the World Series, which was coming up on the 15th, he decided to stay for Thankgiving. After all, it's only six weeks more. He told Juanita this and she said "Sure, but what if your team loses? You still stay around?" He thought about it for a moment and said "Sure, I'm going to hang around for pumpkin pie season." I'm a pumpkin pie fan myself and I understand the logic!
By now Bamps' weight was down to around 115 pounds. His face was gaunt, and he had developed a Parkinsonian tremor. He could have had tests to determine if it was Parkinson's or a side effect of one of his 31 medicines, but he decided that would mean someone would have to stick him with a needle and he just didn't like that idea. His lung function had deteriorated and he was on oxygen 24/7. The Kaposi's Sarcoma had spread over his arms, legs, trunk, face and neck, and he had purpura and petechia. His hair had turned completely white, but being curious, he had decided to let it grow out to see what he would look like in a ponytail. However at this point it was only long to enough to make him look a bit like Albert Einstein.
If you think all that would slow him down, you're wrong. With his portable oxygen tank, he'd go outside and sit on the patio and putter a little in his garden. Despite having very sandy soil, he grew great tomatoes and swiss chard. He'd keep his crosswords, sports pages and books (mysteries and suspense) on the kitchen table so he'd have to get up to walk some. He refused a bedside commode in favor of a long O2 tube so he could walk to the bathroom and have some privacy when "needed". We did get a shower seat and a handheld Shower Massage so he could take showers unassisted. His independence was very important to him.
While Jimmy and Lorraine were here, we took an outing to a longtime friend's home. Bill and Renie had know my grandfather since at least 1960 maybe longer than that. It was great to see him get out of the house and to a place other than a doctor's office. We had a great visit, I think it must have been about three hours, and then we went home.
Jimmy and my grandparents had been very close when Jimmy was growing up, and I think my grandfather thought of him more like a son. Bamps talked to his sister in Pennsylvania every week, but neither one of them could travel to see each other. Jimmy and Lorraine stayed the weekend, and they talked, reminisced, watch ballgames and commiserated that the Yankees did so poorly that year.
However, before Jimmy and Lorraine left, my grandfather announced to hell with what the doctors are saying, he's stick around for the World Series (which was coming up on October 15. (At his last doctor's appoint a few day before J & L arrived, he was given only two to three weeks to live.) Bamps was supporting the Oakland A's since the Yankees obviously weren't going to make it.
What bugged me is that while my grandfather let his nephew and his wife visit, I wanted my mother and sister and brothers to come visit and he always said no. (This is where I'm going to get a little sidetracked for a bit.) They were in Idaho, and my grandfather could have sent them tickets, but he didn't want to. It wasn't because he didn't love them. It was because he loved them too much to let them see him like he was. It was the same reason my grandmother, when she was dying, absolutely did not want my mother to come out. Both of them said the same thing: that they wanted my mother and the rest of the grandkids to remember them as being young and vital, not wasted away by illness.
I can remember having some very heated arguments with them about this! I told them my mother wouldn't care how they looked, she would just love to see them, to hold them and comfort them. She would just want to be there. You see, they had always treated my mother with kid gloves. To some extent, they had reason to.
For whatever reason (my mother was adopted so the real story is forever unknown) when my mother was under a great deal of stress - let's just say she sometimes wasn't herself. One time, when my grandmother was pretty close to dying, she had me sit down with her and watch a late movie. It was the last thing I wanted to do when I could be watching yet another rerun of Star Trek in my room or doing something equally senseless. But she bribed with me with a late night pizza from Roma Pizza, and we watched the movie. The movie we were watching was All About Eve, a woman with a "split personality". After the movie was over, she said to me "You know, your mother is a lot like Eve sometimes. That's why we always protected her." I must have looked at her like she was nuts - my mother was nothing like Eve White or Eve Black. Since I grew up with my grandparents, what Nany said made absolutely no sense at all, until I remembered something that happened before I went to live with my grandparents. I had asked to go play with a friend of mine and my mother "Yeah, what do I care?" It really wasn't like her, but I was seven and just figured she was mad about something. So when I came home, I got punished for going off without asking permission. No matter how much I protested, my mother and stepfather wouldn't believe that my mother had said yes. It wasn't long after that I went to live with my grandparents.
Years later my mother was officially diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder, now called Disassociative Identity Disorder. Looking back now I realize that they were probably trying to protect her from having one of her personalities emerge. Mom's personalities had been silent for a long time, although they apparently did come out occasionally. My mother wasn't even aware of them, although other people, like my grandparents, and one of my mother's friends were. It's still beyond me how that could be. My sibs and I used to joke about which mom was going to in charge today, because she would always be changing her mind and would forget things, and was a member of the "mood-a-minute" club as we used to put it. It wasn't until "Gloria" finally introduced herself to my sister and sister-in-law about ten years ago that we realized the joke was on us. It was NOT a pleasant introduction. But all that's another story.
As well as staying around for the World Series, which was coming up on the 15th, he decided to stay for Thankgiving. After all, it's only six weeks more. He told Juanita this and she said "Sure, but what if your team loses? You still stay around?" He thought about it for a moment and said "Sure, I'm going to hang around for pumpkin pie season." I'm a pumpkin pie fan myself and I understand the logic!
